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When the Going Gets Tough, do the Tough go to Counseling?

The divorce process takes. It takes resources - money, time, emotion, and energy - that feel (and likely are) in very short supply. Taking while giving little, it often feels, in return. Divorce is tough.

So are we. Growing up being told, and so believing, that if we try hard enough, we can do anything. And, that if at first we don't succeed, try, try again. This builds confidence, resilience, and toughness.

However, these lessons overlook the importance of asking - and knowing when to ask - for help.

In divorce, it is asking a lot of yourself to "heal thyself". Too much. If it were easy, it would have happened already. But, there's often the feeling of shame. That, if only I'd tried harder, I wouldn't need to ask for help. On top of feelings of shame and failure over a lost relationship, lost family, and lost way of life.

While counseling may feel like one thing too many on an already overly full plate, it is an investment in yourself well worth making. It gives you the opportunity to reflect, explore, and understand. To develop coping strategies and new emotional habits. To breathe - emotionally and mentally. To put worries in their place and move toward clearheaded and more effective decision-making.

Finding the right counselor is key. If at a loss for where to start, ask your attorney and others you trust for recommendations - both on your list of in-network insurance providers and off. Interview a few. It is an investment in yourself, so invest wisely and trust your instinct. And, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

To answer, yes. When the going gets tough, the tough go to counseling. Because you're worth it.

Lindsay Parvis represents clients in divorce, child custody, and other contested and uncontested family law matters.

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